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And this, my friends, is why i do not date.
Once upon a time there was a young woman who was very lonely and very tired of her family asking if she was dating anyone (because the answer was always, 'no'). So, being of sound mind and optimistic out-look, she signed up for an online dating site.

Within six months, she had met a lot of people, men and women both, but none had held her interest, nor she theirs. Many simply stopped responding to her messages and, after the one meet-up she did gather her courage to go on ended poorly, she was fairly certain she wanted to cancel her account.

So she planned to, once the month was up.

And then, something strange happened. She met a nice young man from the air force. They talked and discovered that they had many things in common: interests and values and other important things that made her smile when she read his messages.

They didn't message daily, both being busy adults, but it had been almost a week since she had heard from him. The month was coming to a close, and she was still planning on canceling her account. So when she received an email from him saying that he was sorry for the lack of correspondence, that he had simply been super busy, she was more than please to respond with a message that said, in essence, i'm glad you were just busy, i'm canceling my account, here is my private email address, please email me, before she went ahead and canceled her account.

Then she waited.

And waited.

It occurred to her on day four that the website may have deleted all of the messages she had ever sent, including the last one that had her email address in it.

So, being rather clever, she decided to try to look him up on facebook, and send him a quick message, just in case. Yeah, she felt creepy, but you know... cute guy.

She did find him and, feeling even more creepy, sent him a message, just basically saying, hi, in case they deleted my messages, i canceled my account. so... hi :)

She was hopeful, but again, nothing.

For many days.

And, as one's mind is likely to do when one is waiting for something that one is trying not to want, she began to construct various possible scenarios as to what may have happened to keep him from getting back to her:

Scenario 1: Cinderella

The young man sees her message but, being too busy, does not respond right away. She cancels her account, deleting her email address from his inbox in the process.

When he finally returns to his inbox with time to respond, her message is gone and he had only viewed it once. So, since he is super into her (but he doesn't really use facebook b/c he thinks it's dumb like she does) he begins to email all permutations of the words and numbers he can vaguely recall from his one glance at her email address.

Eventually, he'll get it right and they shall be reunited in cyberland and live happily ever after.

Scenario 2: The Notebook

Due to imperfect timing, her message gets deleted before he ever sees it, thus causing him to think that she has just up and vanished from the internet. Once he realizes that she and all her messages are gone, he tries to look her up on facebook, but -- having once worked in a middle school -- her name is un-searchable.

She, of course, will make herself searchable again when she sends him the facebook message, but since he doesn't really use facebook that often, he doesn't check his profile or see her message until several months from now, when he has already found another nice girl to date.

They are never reunited, but the young woman comforts herself with the thought that, in this particular scenario, she gets to be Ryan Gosling.

Scenario 3: Pearl Harbor

Something terrible happens at the base and the young man is presumed dead. A friend of his tries to contact friends and family via the young man's facebook page, sees her message and contacts the young lady. An unlikely friendship begins. 

Once this friendship blooms into a romantic relationship, the original young man shows up because he was never actually dead in the first place. Awkwardness ensues. 

As expected, Josh Hartnett dies. 

Scenario 4: Romeo and Juliet

The young man, having been extremely busy, writes down her email address to use later, and smiles when he sees her, somewhat awkward, facebook message. But then, he gets a better look at the few details he can see on her profile and realizes that she is the daughter of his family's greatest rival. He cannot bring himself to betray his family by contacting her again. 

He is currently waxing poetic upon a balcony, cursing their fate and their family names, waiting for her to show up and tell him that a rose, by any other name, would smell just as sweet. 

Scenario 5: The One That Probably Actually Happened

Her message doesn't get deleted from the dating website, b/c they know how to keep text around even after a profile has been hidden (unlike stupid facebook). he sees her message, and for some logical reason decides that he no longer wants to keep in contact with this particular lady.

When he sees her facebook message, he begins to suspect that she may be a stalker, and places her name on a permanent ignore list.

They never speak again.

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thanks! have you seen this video??? it makes me laugh and want to cry at the same time, but i'm sure October 19th will come some day soon!!

i don't have a tumblr because i don't understand 1) the purpose of the site or 2) how to use it. which probably just means that i'm an old person who can't keep up with the times, but yeah... maybe i would make one if i could, you know, figure it out, lol.

i love it when community shades nbc, it's always flawless. AND WE'VE GOT A DATE!!! FEB 13TH WHOOP WHOOP MARK YOUR CALENDARS EVERYBODY

and gurl tumblr is so easy to use. it's just to look at pretty people and things and make funny social commentary. there are also those who use it to make gif stories and be obnoxious, but if you follow the right people, that'll never show up. haha.

let me know if you ever decide to give tumblr another shot! i'll totally help you out <33

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